| lack of thoughts |
[05 May 2006|03:34pm] |
I haven't really written here lately. Mainly because I've been writing in my notebook. More private, ya kno. More personal, more ... me?
Life has been treating me fair lately, which is somewhat unfair. I was all set for a heartbreak, downfall, whatever. Yet everything turned out okay. My brother, who is in Iraq at the moment, is safe and content with what he's doing. My family is somewhat getting closer ... at least I actually have conversations with my mother ... somewhat. My ex and I are still friends, though for some reason it feels like it is more and less at the same time.
I have a new job. I'll have to explain that in detail later. Mainly because I still don't really know what I'm supposed to do. But hey, they pay quite well.
Life has been fair... and I'm unhappy about it. How strange.
Maybe that's why I always wake up with this strange feeling in my chest every morn.
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[22 Apr 2006|12:00pm] |
I feel like I'm the most horrible person ever.
I'm sorry.
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[31 Mar 2006|11:26am] |
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music |
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Jack off Jill - Love Song |
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I don't know what I'm doing, and I don't know why I'm doing it, but it's happening and I can't stop it.
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| Dramatization |
[21 Mar 2006|01:29am] |
Drama is drama only if you let it become drama. If I just let things happen without much emotion, then there is no drama.
My problem is that I'm too emotional.
At least I don't freak out about stuff...much.
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[08 Mar 2006|12:14am] |
I'm feeling so blah right now.
I hate myself.
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[16 Jan 2006|12:24am] |
MY BROTHER IS LEAVING FOR THE MIDDLE EAST!
But first, training in the US.
BLAH!
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| Jovy is dead |
[30 Nov 2005|12:49am] |
I just had nothing to say.
Hence my lack of entries.
I work a lot, but my money goes to bills.
I suck.
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| Bitter....Sweet...Bittersweet! |
[03 Nov 2005|12:47am] |
Game Over
My blatant disregard for health has killed all the Light Warriors ... again. The screen turns dark, then flickers back to the opening sequence.
During those few seconds, I catch a glimpse of my reflection. My eyes were still puffy and - though I cannot really tell with the Gameboy screen's dark reflection - presumably still red. With a sigh, I turn off the Gameboy- in the middle of the Prelude- and return it to my nightstand.
In times of sadness, I turn to books, video games, math problems, or anything else to preoccupy myself rather than dwell on my feelings. Video games had no effect this time...at least, not the desired effect. It only served to remind me that all was not well. Books, my comfort friends, were also useless. I finished Stoker's Dracula and McKinley's Sunshine today, as well as starting Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, which I couldn't quite get into. As with playing games, attempting to read was useless. I read pages and pages without comprehending a word. My mind was elsewhere, it kept going back to that conversation.
My belief is that all the sadness in the world is balanced with happyness - Yin and Yang. If a man leads a sad and miserable life, then another man, or a group of men and women, have happy and prosperous lives in order to balance the aforementioned misery. Indeed, do people not gain happiness from another's sorrow?
A child, given her weekly allowance, is on her way to the local manhwa shop in order to borrow a couple of of books. On her way there, she loses her money as it slips out from the pages of the books she was returning.
A boy walks the opposite way, returning from a game of soccer with his friends. The boy's family, though not impoverished, is going through some financial problems. With his father gone, his mother is left to provide for him and his older brother. His older brother works part time in order to have a little extra money. The child recieves no allowance other than lunch money, and therefore doesn't buy the chips, soda, and candies that his friends always treat themselves to. He looks on with longing, but never asks his mother or brother for a dime.
Today, he tarried in the park as his friends leave to buy refreshments. Walking home, he concentrates on dribbling the ball between his feet. Because of this, he notices the money on the ground. Surprised, he bends down and picks it (and his ball) up. His first thought was to run to the convenience store, hopefully meeting up with his friends, and buy himself a bar of chocolate and a bottle of juice. Excited, he runs.
The girl, returning her borrowed manhwa, finally realizes that he money is missing. Fearing that she might have dropped it, she retraces her steps, looking down at the sidewalk to make sure that she didn't drop it on the way to the store. Not finding her money, she hoped that she left it on the table. She runs inside and, not finding it anywhere, starts to cry. Hearing her, her father comes to the room and asks her why she was crying.
The boy, not finding his friends at the store, walks around looking at the many goodies. There were so many snacks and chips that he did not know what to choose. "What would hyung get?" he asks himself, for he adores his older brother and therefore tries to emulate him in ever way. Rounding a corner, he spots his brother's favorite dessert- incidentally, his favorite as well. With a grin, he picks up a box and carries it to the counter, his ball cradled under his arm. The precious money never left his tight grip until he deposited it on the counter with a flourish. With his purchase, he runs home and returns in time for dinner.
Now, the girl asks her dad for more money. It's only fair, since she did not have a chance to spend hers. Her father, though wanting to give her all her heart's desire, tells her that she may not have more money, not because he doesn't want to give it to her, but because she must understand the value of money and, in the future, will not be so careless.
Father and daughter shared a miserable dinner that night, while the boy and his family enjoyed the dessert and laughed at how the youngest son always gets lucky.
Sometimes, I can forget my sorrow. Sometimes, the pain is too strong. On these times, I lie in bed crying until my eyes are too tired to stay open and I fall asleep. In sleep I can find comfort and forget my woes.
Tonight, I decided to write a bittersweet story and see if it will work to calm my thoughts...and my tears.
Elsewhere, someone is happy. I hope that someone is a good person.
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| Stuff and Happenstance |
[28 Oct 2005|08:53pm] |
I come home from work starving. I made some Filippino food this afternoon, with big wedges of potatoes and huge chunks of meat. I saved some for myself, so I can just heat up my bowl after work and eat.
Eager for food, I open the ref, and find my bowl missing.
I look to the sink, and I see my bowl, all the food eaten out of it, waiting to be washed.
I look for leftovers, and I find that my mom took the whole thing as ba-on (sp?) for church.
I'm hungry. I'm cold. I'm tired. I'm cranky. And I'm hungry.
On a different note, this kid from grade school dropped by the house. I couldn't remember him because I knew him as a short skinny asian. Now he's a tall skinny asian wearing glasses. I felt bad, he remembered me.
Hee, it's been a while since I saw him. Hopefully he'll be coming over later for another Asian film night.
Ryan from work got me a pomegranite. I'm eating that as my dinner.
One of the customers said that I looked like the girl from The Grudge. I can't tell if that was a compliment or if he was making fun of me.
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[18 Oct 2005|10:07am] |
New cellphone.
That is all.
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| Rain, pain, happiness-des |
[14 Oct 2005|08:52pm] |
My boyfriend is the most wonderful guy in the world.
I only say that because he bought me Knife of Dreams the day after it came out.
You have no idea how great a gift that was. Especially since I'm sick.
I'm still sick. Working today made me a bit sicker, especially walking in the drizzle/rain and waiting in Borders while my clothes were damp (which was air conditioned, of course -_-).
But the book makes everything better.
Hee~
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| Introspective |
[11 Oct 2005|10:58pm] |
I'm listening to Parokya ni Edgar - Harana. I kinda wish I could understand everything he says, instead of recognizing one word out of five.
The last entry is set to "Friends Only," therefore only those who have livejournal and are subscribed to me can see it. Sorry, I just realized that people from my school come here. Hee~
I'd write more, but the Nyquil is kicking my ass.
I forgot the many things I was thinking about. They were all interesting, I assure you. Something about vampires... constructing some kind of device for a permanent lunar eclipse, destroying all sun-loving life as we know it. All shall wither and die, and they shall reign supreme, their only weakness being cut away.
... Something like that.
There's a vampire trying to get into my house.
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| Nothing important... |
[05 Oct 2005|11:16am] |
My cell is dead.
Destroyed.
Done.
Finished.
If you want me to have your number still (and for the few that I want numbers for), email me: jovy.ann at gmail.com
I'll get a different phone later.
That's it.
Oh, and Lost in Blue is addictive. My poor doggies, I haven't played Nintendogs for 2 days! I go feed them and bathe them now.
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[28 Sep 2005|09:02am] |
Stolen and edited to my liking:
Reply with your name and a question and I'll respond with:
01. something random about you.
02. what song/film/anime character reminds me of you.
03. a flavor of jelly/pudding I'd wrestle with you in.
04. something that only makes sense to you and me.
05. my first memory of you.
06. what animal you remind me of.
07. something that I've always wondered about you.
08. a memory of when I got annoyed/angry/upset at you.
09. my fondest memory of you.
10. the answer of the question you ask.
So I'm going to take a course to be certified as a Nurse's Assistant. Afterwards I'll be working for one of the hospitals around the area, or a nursing home, or something.
Ok I'm getting kicked off/my phone is ringing/and I tire. Night
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[24 Sep 2005|01:52pm] |
I'm spread too thin. If it were possible, I'd clone myself, sharing memories with all my clones. Like a tachikomas. I want a tachikoma.
Last night I had the choce of going to NP for a birthday party, to Stevens for a birthday party, to my boyfriend's house for dinner and a movie, to the abandoned asylum , to a party in Rutgers, and to a surprise birthday party in Palisades Park
I chose the surprise party.
I don't regret that choice.
Good food, great company, and, of course, video games!
I just wish I was able to go to all of them.
The choce I made for my future will take me away from everyone I know and love. I'll be gone for months, perhaps years. I'll be a stranger, and I'll be alone.
I hope I don't regret this choice as well.
I've become quite vain during the past few years.
I don't like it.
At the same time, it's given me a bit of confidence.
I wish to go to Six Flags and the Renaissance Faire.
I wish to go with one person.
I chose not to go to Six Flags today, and declined to go to the Ren Faire as well. Only because it wasn't with that person.
I don't know if I regret this choice yet.
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[18 Sep 2005|04:29am] |
Tis 4 AM.
I have an annoying habbit of thinking. No, not thinking, daydreaming. Well, in this case, nightdreaming.
Because I've been lying in bed for about 2 hours, I decide to either
a. take another walk at the very scary very dark rail trail
b. take another walk around town, avoiding all the drunk college kids
c. read online comics till my eyes bleed and beg me for a reprieve
d. read dracula and not remember a word because my mind was elsewhere as I read
e. write random crap on my Moleskine or whatever notebook is handy
f. type up the stories that I was thinking of a couple of weeks ago
g. type up the random things that I was thinking of tonight
h. see who's online and awake and bug them
i. visit the old forums I used to go to and make an appearance
j. re-read Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series since his new book is coming out soon (yay)
k. go out of my room and hang out with Dawn and her buddies, get drunk with them, and pass out later
l. steal some booze and just get drunk
m. revive my xanga
n. play Ragnarok Online
o. play Maplestory
p. play Runescape
q. make random gif avatars/signatures for random people in random forums
r. read all of 108's posts
s. redo the layout for this livejournal.
t. go through the tutorials I bookmarked and learn to draw/color with PSP
u. play random internet games, mainly pyramids from games.yahoo.com
v. do as many sudoko puzzles (did I spell that right?) as I can find
w. take a walk over to the college and do laundry
x. make some pancakes and eat while watching the special features of Phantom of the Opera
y. lie down in bed for another couple of hours until I finally pass out
z. write crap in my livejournal.
There are more, but I'll just stop at 'z'.
Because walking or running doesn't seem like a good idea at my state of mind, and feet, I'll not.
I don't feel like reading or playing games either.
Neither do I feel like learning. Or cooking. Or watching. Or talking. Or anything really.
So I opt for z. Because I was getting annoyed with myself, and spending another couple of hours talking only to myself seemed like a bad idea.
My feet still hurt from the trail. Walking in the dark without a flashlight and wearing flip flops ... not a good idea. I'm sure I bruise somewhere when I tripped on a fallen branch. That kinda hurt.
It's really creepy walking there in the dark. At the same time... calming. I guess calming is the word. I headed over there because I was a bit upset at myself and my current position in life. It's a good place to think, or to stop thinking.
The stars shine brighter there. I should have brought something with me so I could have just lay down and looked up at the sky.
I was starting to get cold, and I was sniffling a lot already, so I turned back. I didn't realize how far I walked...it took me about 30 minutes to get back to my house. Something like that, I dunno really. I had no way of telling the time. I really should get the batteries for my watch replaced... not that it would have helped, since I couldn't see anything in the dark. Whatever, it took a long time to get back, I was warmed by the brisk walk, and my feet were killing me. Tomorrow my shins will hurt, but whatever.
Oh, did I mention I cut my hair? The back of my neck was cold. I need a scarf for the coming winter.
My roommate talks in her sleep sometimes. It's bizzare when I can't sleep and I hear her whispering.
I should have saved the money I used for my haircut and bought a scarf and a sweater instead.
I should also have cut my bangs shorter. It keeps getting in front of my eyes.
One or the other.
I thought about that substitute teacher that everyone thought had a crush on me, just because he gave me a hug in the hallway. He has (at the time) a Filipina girlfriend who is a nurse. That's how I started thinking about him...
A Filipina who is a nurse.
I'm going to become another cliché ... or was it clichè? Whatever, I'm planning to be a steriotypical Filipina. w00t.
I hate myself.
I look like a steriotypical Filipina.
Geeze.
I'm gonna have to buy some pomade or gel or something for my hair.
I think my eyes are burned enough, and my brain tired enough.
I SLEEP! DON'T BOTHER TRYING TO FIND ME! I'll be awake at around 5 in the evening. Keil, I still hafta give ya that 'present.' Ha, I suck. Sorry for missing your birthday. =[ no chance of leftover cake, is there? Or alcohol?
Booze me!
They're really loud out there.
The application for ShopRite is disgustingly long and repetitive.
Yea, I sleep now. My eyes burn.
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| It got deleted? |
[15 Sep 2005|11:21am] |
My brother is leaving for Egypt.
Before he goes, he hands me a game with these words to acompany it:
"Hardest game ever. I was playing it all night."
The game is Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow.
Now, those who play videogames with me know how much I suck at FPS, and gun games in general. If my older brother says it's hard, then it's quite possibly impossible for me to beat. Still, I couldn't resist the challenge. Firing up the PS2, I popped in the disk and waited to be pwned.
And pwned I was. But before that, let's talk about the story.
( Clicky for more )
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| The bunny chewed through my wires again |
[09 Sep 2005|12:30pm] |
I have not written of the tragedy in New Orleans because I feel that anything I would have written would be cheap and useless.
But others have written about it, and so I'll be cheap and link/quote to them.
( blahs )
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shorterthanthou's journal
